These are some of the feelings I’ve experienced during the past year.
I am divorced.
Everything is upside down.
As I try to rebuild my life, I feel stuck.
Life continues to roll on, but there is no meaning in anything.
If this is the way it’s supposed to be, why do I feel so lousy?
Who am I?
I kneeled down and began to pray.
“Heavenly Father,” I said.
“I want peace, but I don’t even know my purpose anymore. What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What am I doing well? What do I need to improve? Do you even care? I need to know where I stand. Please help me.”
I opened the scriptures and began to read.
“And he beheld Satan; and he had a great chain in his hand, and it veiled the whole face of the earth with darkness; and he looked up and laughed, and his angels rejoiced.”
“And it came to pass that the God of heaven looked upon the residue of the people, and he wept.”
“How is it thou canst weep, seeing thou art holy, and from all eternity to all eternity?”
“The Lord said: Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own hands.” (Excerpts Moses 7:26-33)
As I read, I, too, began to weep. I could not hold back tears. The feeling that followed was sweet, but intense and beyond description.
I listened and I thought I heard God say to me, How do you think I felt when I watched my son suffer for the sins of the world? How do you think I felt when I watched the nails being driven into his hands and feet? How do you think I felt as he hung on the cross and cried out, Father, where art thou? I was never closer to him than I was at that time. I heard and I watched in silence because it was part of the plan.
I know how painful this is, son, and I know how you feel. I have never been closer to you than I am right now. I hear and I watch in silence because it’s all part of the plan.
Then, this image entered my mind…
Photo Credit: “Home” David Bowman
…followed quickly by the phrase “You are mine.”
Once again I turned to the scriptures in search of this phrase.
“Behold, ye are (as a little child) and ye cannot bear all things now; ye must grow in grace and in the knowledge of the truth.”
“Fear not, little child, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world, and you are of them that my Father hath given me;”
“And none of them that my Father hath given me shall be lost.”
“And the Father and I are one. I am in the Father and the Father in me; and inasmuch as ye have received me, ye are in me and I in you.”
“Wherefore, I am in your midst, and I am the good shepherd, and the stone of Israel. He that buildeth upon this rock shall never fall.”
“And the day cometh that you shall hear my voice and see me, and know that I am.”
“Watch, therefore, that ye may be ready.” (Doctrine & Covenants 50: 40-46)
I am one of God’s sons. His love for me is real.
My life is in his hands.
This knowledge has changed my life.