The Heart of a Lion

Single lion looking regal standing proudly on a small hill

The hole in my heart got bigger the day I saw her with him.

I’m reliving the pain of the last year all over again.

Putting you in the car with them and watching you drive away opened a wound that was starting to heal.

I am forced to accept a reality that wasn’t my choice.

People say, “You can’t change others, only yourself.”

“You have to let it go.”

“Trust God.”

My mind knows these words are true, but it doesn’t make me feel better.

Accepting what I can not change and staying in the light may provide temporary solace, but it won’t change the circumstances.

So, what’s the point?

I am powerless over the circumstances of my life.

I hate it.

Words of hope and inspiration fail to speak the language of my heart.

I will not be replaced as a father.

I want understanding, forgiveness, acceptance and peace.

Not from God–from her.

I was never given that opportunity.

My talents and abilities, everything I am, was twisted and convoluted into something sick and wrong.

Living with the unspoken and unexpressed emotions is more than I can bear.

Yet, attempts to communicate those feelings continue to be misunderstood.

I cower in her presence because I am afraid of how she will distort my words.

I live for the day we meet face-to-face, when hate is gone and love is restored.

I will not move on until there is peace.

It’s been more than a year. When will it happen?

I’m tired of waiting.

Where is peace?

Weeks of desparately repetitive prayer bring to my remembrance a song.

Living for tomorrow
only takes away today.
Paralyzed by sorrow, I pray I’ll find a better way.
Can we be happy like children?
They’re not afraid to lose their way.
And if they walk in the wrong direction, they will never go astray.

Cause when I sing with the heart of a lion, nothing can stand in my way.
When I sing, it awakens my desire and takes my fears away.

You say you ain’t a hero, but maybe it chose you.
If this is your Goliath, then you gotta see it through.
Don’t let the light of hope go out, cause baby you should know
so many people need you.
And they’re praying you won’t let go.

Cause when I sing with the heart of a lion, nothing can stand in my way.
When I sing, it awakens my desire and takes my fears away.

You are the soul of my universe, everything good in my life.
You make everything beautiful, and now I never have to think twice.

Sing with the heart of a lion?

I write down the characteristics of a lion as they enter my mind.

  • Pride
  • Strength
  • Courage
  • Royalty
  • Stateliness
  • Majestic
  • Powerful
  • Fierceness

For some reason, I am drawn to the word “fierce.”

One meaning of fierce is furiously eager or intense.

I look up facts about lions.

A lion’s roar can be heard 5 miles away.

They roam in groups of 15 called a pride.

They work as a group to protect their territory and hunt for food.

They will never start fights, but their fierce loyalty to their pride compels them to defend what’s theirs, even if that means a fight to the death.

Then, these words from scripture,

“Thy people shall never be turned against thee by the testimony of traitors.”

“For a small moment thy voice shall be more terrible in the midst of thine enemies than the fierce lion, because of thy righteousness; and thy God shall stand by thee forever and ever.”

In all the ways that count, I am a lion. But when I doubt myself, I give her my power.

When I sing with the heart of a lion, nothing can stand in my way.
When I sing, it awakens my desire and takes my fears away.

I must step into my power and stand with confidence in her presence.

I will stand erect with royal majesty, and boldly declare the truth.

Lion standing on a old tree trunk isolated on white

I am a courageous, beautiful, loving man of light.

I am not an object, and will not tolerate being treated that way any longer.

I will not believe or accept her lies any longer.

I will humbly admit my mistakes, but I will not apologize for living.

I will not start fights, but I will remain fiercely loyal and devoted to my children, and fiercely defend and protect my relationship with them.

I am a lion.

I am a man.

I am a King.

Wild African Male Lion Growling and Showing Dangerous Teeth

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