Even though divorce is not what I wanted, here’s why I have hope that everything will work out

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

We believe in families, specifically eternal families.

Marriages performed in a temple, we believe, can last forever, not just until we die. Children born into a marriage where a husband and wife are married, or sealed, in the temple, are likewise, sealed to their parents.

There is an eternal bond that ties the family together. Our personal righteousness and worthiness are the variables that determine whether that bond remains eternal and everlasting.

Having an eternal family is the ultimate love story. A decision to marry someone obviously requires a commitment, and the decision to be married in the temple certainly requires a commitment – a special commitment to endure the tests and trials of life together. When problems arise, you work through it. You do whatever is necessary to get your life together right with God and back on the path leading back to Him.

This kind of commitment is contrary to the ways of the world.

The eternal nature of this type of marriage means that divorce can not and should not be an option.

Under these circumstances, there are still some couples who still do not have the commitment to make the marriage work. Sadly, even these kind of marriages are not immune to divorce.

I was married and sealed to my wife in the Logan, Utah temple August 15, 2009. My marriage ended 8 years and 2 days later.

Legally, we are divorced. Eternally, however, we are still sealed. I pray that it can remain so. I pray that one day, the eternal marriage I wanted with my ex-wife will be a reality.

Despite everything that’s happened in the last year, I still have feelings for her. We had a good life together. It is disappointing and disheartening that she is willing to give it up so easily.

I now am forced, by virtue of our divorce, to see my kids at designated times. The division of time is not divided equally. Fathers typically don’t get as much time.

Ironically, the legal system still has a 1950s mentality on custody even though the world’s attitude in the 21st century is pretty much anything goes.

Fathers, it seems, are considered second-class parents, and not essential in the rearing of children.

Time with my children is precious and exhausting. I work myself past the breaking point because I want my time to count. I want them to know their father loves them. I want them to grow up knowing that nothing was more important to me than them. I want them to know their dad gave it everything he’s got.

Most of all, I want those who observe from afar to know that my relationship with my children is every bit as necessary as their mother’s relationship with them.

The eternal consequence of divorce in my children’s lives have weighed heavily on my mind.

Eternally, I will always be their father, and she will always be their mother. If, one day, their mother and I are not sealed to each other, how does that work?

I have tried to wrap my brain around that concept.

Conversations with my parents and my church leaders do not provide a definite answer – only hope that it will all work out.

2 songs that got me through the hardest year of my life:


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